don't ever underestimate words. they are powerful things because to describe how i am feeling right now, i need a word, that completely explains that a person is going to be changed in a good way, and also in a way that she will never be the same person as before, its unstoppable and unpredicted. Frisdom? Dreadnaciousness? Malbominance? i don't know.

i am more like, completely lost. not like the type of lost when you get lost in a labyrinth or a maze, or being stuck in a newspaper crossword puzzle. i'm lost within my own inexplicable and yet enigmatic emotions. those emotions are so thick that it just blinds me from seeing my own future. you ask me if i'm sad? no i'm not exactly feeling that way. excited? not how i would express it. happy? not the right word. tired? yes, of saying all these words which none fits me right now. i just want to clarify my own feelings, but it feels impossible to do that alone.

"i am going to study overseas myself."

thats easier to say it aloud. but for me, after i say it. i hesitate. then, i realized i regret this. then i hesitate again. and realize how happy i am to leave and abolish my own shameful little world, filled with pain, misery, lies and hope. with all that hesitation, i finally concluded to myself that i won't go any further with all this tangled emotions within me, and i will finally have to start sorting it all out.

but now, i am already in England, London. and its already the EIGHTH. and i will be in the school on the NINTH. and the truth is, i was so blinded that i just then realized that i am at a point of no return.

i have five luggages with me. i had my uniform and name tags all sewn. i bought everything i need. and if i just retreat from all this preparartion which i have started 3 years ago. i would really have become biggest idiot in the universe.

which i now think i currently achieved on being the worlds greatest idiot.

over&out
shall i start signing as the idiot?
no.

over&out
taaash.

Labels: emotions, hesitation

don't ever underestimate words. they are powerful things because to describe how i am feeling right now, i need a word, that completely explains that a person is going to be changed in a good way, and also in a way that she will never be the same person as before, its unstoppable and unpredicted. Frisdom? Dreadnaciousness? Malbominance? i don't know.

i am more like, completely lost. not like the type of lost when you get lost in a labyrinth or a maze, or being stuck in a newspaper crossword puzzle. i'm lost within my own inexplicable and yet enigmatic emotions. those emotions are so thick that it just blinds me from seeing my own future. you ask me if i'm sad? no i'm not exactly feeling that way. excited? not how i would express it. happy? not the right word. tired? yes, of saying all these words which none fits me right now. i just want to clarify my own feelings, but it feels impossible to do that alone.

"i am going to study overseas myself."

thats easier to say it aloud. but for me, after i say it. i hesitate. then, i realized i regret this. then i hesitate again. and realize how happy i am to leave and abolish my own shameful little world, filled with pain, misery, lies and hope. with all that hesitation, i finally concluded to myself that i won't go any further with all this tangled emotions within me, and i will finally have to start sorting it all out.

but now, i am already in England, London. and its already the EIGHTH. and i will be in the school on the NINTH. and the truth is, i was so blinded that i just then realized that i am at a point of no return.

i have five luggages with me. i had my uniform and name tags all sewn. i bought everything i need. and if i just retreat from all this preparartion which i have started 3 years ago. i would really have become biggest idiot in the universe.

which i now think i currently achieved on being the worlds greatest idiot.

over&out
shall i start signing as the idiot?
no.

over&out
taaash.

Labels: emotions, hesitation